(Source: bobsburgersjr)

christmasbarakat:

my dad is a cop and i just called him and he was like “hey i have a 17 year old boy in the back of my cop car right now that i’m running him to the station” and i asked if he was cute and my dad said “Hey, my daughter wants to know if you’re cute” and the guy said “i want to say yes, sir” and my dad started laughing so hard

(Source: ahcalamity)

embarrassmental:

narcotic:

what if people named their kids when they turn 18 so the kid has a name that fits its personality

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stunningpicture:

Alligator shaking his fist at the world

  • Me: *during sex* ....i think i hear someone coming....
  • girl: ....who?
  • me: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *bust nut*

(Source: lnternoot)

waterflops:

like-selena:

waterflops:

like-selena:

waterflops:

gaze-into-the-abyss:

cannibal-swag:

jfarge:

ven0moth:

why do they sell these

to commit a murder most fowl

sit down

this eggsactly the pun i egggspected

chill

That didn’t make you cluckle just a beak?

stop

whaT ARE U MCFLY?! CHICKEN??!!!

i demand justice

(Source: ven0moth)

bezcitny:

juilan:

I watch porn for the storyline

Lol wtf

chilled:

when youre at a concert does it suddenly hit you at random moments that the band are real people and not just pictures on the internet

 

(Source: tragicalien)

milkshakeprincess:

when ur playing video games and u move the joystick half a centimeter and the character moves twelve feet and falls off a cliff

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(Source: sideponytailanimewife)

buttermilkqueen:

rnessaged:

buttermilkqueen:

it should be my birthday everyday

you would be very old

what a rude thing to say to someone on their birthday

(Source: beeblejuice)


(Source: erarg)

unclefather:

when U leave the barber shop with that clean cut 

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